Murphy's Bachelor in Paradise Blog Episode 4 - Human Pinatas

This episode opens the day after Blake and Dylan's showdown over Hannah. But, we don't start with that storyline.

Instead, we open on one of the strongest couples on the Beach: Derek and Demi... or ARE they? Demi is conflicted about the relationship because she's also dating a woman back in LA. She confides in Katies and says she's in Paradise trying to figure out what she wants and that it's been hard letting people know this side of her.

Dylan meanwhile (you knew we wouldn't stay away from the Love Pentagon too long) pulls Hannah aside to ask what she's so confused about when picking between him, a great guy, and a guy who has "mistreated a lot of people." Is he missing something? Surely, there isn't ANOTHER layer to Hurricane Blake. Oh, but of course there is. Hannah 'fesses up that he texted her before Paradise, he took an impromptu trip to Birmingham and they met up and kissed and THEN WENT HOME. Sure. We all buy that. And Stagecoach is just a music festival.

When Tayshia hears this she feels betrayed by Hannah because why would she let her go on that first date with Blake in the first place if this had happened? Tayshia confronts her about it and says she didn't say anything because it was a private thing that they did and she wanted to respect Blake's privacy. Hey, Stagecoach is a private event too! (drink again) Tayshia comes away with the realization that Hannah is playing innocent, but is manipulating the situation just as much as Blake.

Dean and his Mustache show up. He now lives in a van down by the river, he's unemployed and - ladies - he's got a date card! Dean talks to all the women, while Caelynn continues to talk to anyone who will listen about Kristina. Caelynn says Kristina is slut shaming her by telling everyone in Paradise what happened at Stagecoach (you know the rules!) You mean, like YOU DID, Caelynn, before Kristina even got to Paradise?! Caelynn is sobbing when Dean comes around but he picks her for a date anyway.

Mike is surprised and disappointed since they had such a good date. Cam feels rejected and depressed since he can't read people's basic emotions.

By the way, could you imagine someone as high maintenance as Caelynn living in a van down by the river with nature as her shower?

We get a little interlude here, which I hope continues, of Jordan and Demi's Statler and Waldorf-style commentary about everyone else on the beach. I hearby dub the segment: The Roast Ceremony (trademark pending)

Next down the steps to Paradise is Christian. If you don't recognize him, don't worry. He's a night one cast-off from Becca's season and he's most "famous" for getting into it with Jordan during Men Tell All. Christian zeros in on Nicole and she accepts her 3rd one-on-one date of the season. Clay feels threatened. And rightly so. Nicole says Christian makes her feel comfortable like they are already boyfriend/girlfriend. They speak Spanish on a beach, smooch and generally have all the chemistry.

After the date, Nicole sits down with Clay for a debriefing. She tells him to be more aggressive like Christian. While they are talking, Christian comes over to steal Nicole to "finish the date." I'm on Team Clay here when he says when you come back to HQ the date is over. Christian tells Nicole to decide and she wants to stay and chat with Clay for now. That was a total Luke P. move from Christian reminiscent of Luke's final exit where he just HAD to leave on his terms.

It's time for the cocktail party and four men are going home tonight. So who will the three leaving with Cam be?

Demi tells Derek about the woman back home and he's cool with it. Demi is relieved.

With Dean in the picture now, Mike ditches Caelynn and makes a play for Sidney.

Onyeka and John Paul Jones have completely forgotten about each other. He goes for Tayshia by doing a Romeo monologue, or what he can remember of it and mumble through. It works, though! The magic of JPJ.

Christian sets up a pinata for Nicole and finally pulls her aside to "finish the date." Clay was told to be more aggressive and everyone convinces him that that means she would want him to interrupt right now. He does, but Christian won't let him and Clay slinks back to the bar.

Jordan cannot stand for this against a former rival and offers to bust his pinata. Clay tells him not too but Jordan's gonna Jordan. It gets violent immediately. And that's it. Hopefully we get some sort of payoff for this immediately on Monday and it's not like Colton's fence jump where they make us wait 6 weeks to see the beatdown I hope Jordan gives Christian.

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