Neil Lane is in the house!!! Although he's probably sorry he showed up for this one.
It's the dramatic, epic, shocking finale of Hannah B.'s season of The Bachelorette. After a brief detour that saw Hannah jump out of the van, slip and fall down a Grecian hill, skinning her elbow and eventually regrouping, Hannah finally reaches the ceremonial engagement mat.
If you're a member of Bachelor Nation, you know the first dude out of the limo is destined for heartbreak, but that doesn't mean it was easy to see Tyler's toothpick legs emerge from the SUV. This part of the show never gets easier to watch. I cringed into my couch cushions as Tyler launched into his moving and romantic speech. About 4 words before he's about to drop to one knee, Hannah cuts him off. All Tyler can manage to say is, "It's not me" and somehow it was a question and a statement at the same time. Hannah tells Tyler "I love someone else." Tyler takes it like a champ. He tells Hannah he's still going to be her biggest fan AND that he wishes her and Jed nothing but success.
Even though we should have seen it coming, my house filled with audible groans when Jed steps out of the SUV with his guitar in hand. He has a short preamble before he sings her a proposal song. I believe it only had about 3-4 dogfood references. I smell product placement, but I hope Jed got paid. She tells him "I love you," he gets down on one knee. She says "yes."
In a normal season, this happens about 15 minutes before 10pm. It's about 8:20.
Now all of the spoilers and rumors that spilled into the non-spoiler watchers world we inhabit on the show come out. Hannah says Jed told her the second night after their engagement, OH, bee tee dubs, he'd been "hanging out" with a girl the week before the show but it was nothing serious and he broke it off. Then the People article with the non-gf-gf came out blindsiding Hannah and saying the relationship did NOT end when he went on the show. Hannah says this really muddies the water of their future together and this is "not what I said yes to" and not the same person she said it to.
Jed is summoned to Hannah's undisclosed location to tell his full side of the story. With each word he says he makes everything worse. He first tells Hannah that obviously he and this girl had two different views of what the relationship was. He says he was still dating around and they'd never talked about being exclusive. Hannah asks, "Dating like lots of people?" Err. No! I spent most of the time with her. But it didn't have a label, I didn't call her my girlfriend. "You were still hooking up with chicks..." Hannah says. "Yeah, I was." JED. NOT BETTER.
They went on a romantic cabin trip. They met each other's parents. She threw him an amazing surprise party with all of his closest friends. Her family got him a trip to the Bahamas that they would go on for her birthday. You know, like platonic male-female friends do.
Then he got the call to be on The Bachelorette. His non-gf gf is excited for the effect it might have on his music career, as is Jed. Hannah was under the impression that thought was something in the back of Jed's mind as he characterized it on that first one-on-one date, not a preconceived notion he dreamt up with his labeless chick.
Jed fesses up that some of what she said was true. He did call and text her "I love you" the day he left. Jed tries to cover by saying that he didn't know what real love was at the time.
Hannah tells Jed, that's not all. In the weeks FOLLOWING their engagement she's seeing pictures and video of girls partying at his place, and Jed playfully tossing them in the pool. Jed can explain! "I didn't even know them!" JED. NOT BETTER.
Jed does not seem broken up about this at all. He mannerisms remind me of being reprimanded in high school. Some adult is yelling at you. You have to pretend you're listening. You just have to say what they want to hear, offer some hollow apology and then they'll stop yelling and you can go back and hang out with your friends. He distinctly asks Hannah how he can get out of detention, "What can I do? I'll change!" Hannah takes her ring off and says it doesn't mean the same thing anymore now that her decisions have been tainted by half truths.
The drama spills over into the live studio show where Hannah tells CH she is no longer with Jed and their engagement is over. This announcement gets a round of applause, which garners a stern lecture from Chris about people's feelings being hurt and hearts being broken. This could be why Jed enters to nearly no applause, except from some random clappers who didn't get the memo that we hate him. Jed offers another apology and Hannah tells him she hopes he can learn and grow into the man she knows he can be for "whoever." Obviously not her.
But, why haven't we seen Tyler yet? Normally the 2nd place dude comes out way before this. Hannah tells Chris her feelings for Tyler didn't disappear overnight. Out comes Tyler to pretty much a standing ovation. He can do no wrong to this crowd. Hannah tells Tyler, "you're single, I'm single. How about we go out for a drink?" Tyler agrees.
So that's it. Hannah's journey to find love ends with a Wallaby Darn and maybe a Bloomin' Onion at Outback Steakhouse. Better than dogfood, I guess.
See you in Paradise!