Murphy's Bachelorette Blog - Season Finale Part 1

All of the real action takes place on tonight's season finale part 2, but there were some highlights from part 1.

For one thing we FINALLY see the end of that rose ceremony that's been going on for three weeks now. And I'll admit it was a bit of a shocker for me. I thought for sure the final of the two roses would come down to Jed or Tyler, with T-Money coming out on top. But, Jed gets the first rose and Notorious Tyler C. gets the second leaving Pilot Pete to fly off into the sunset. Hannah gives him the boilerplate speech from this point in every season about how there was nothing wrong, she just has to send someone home now. In the "live" studio segments, Peter sits down with Hannah to hear the same speech again and tell her that he certainly felt in love with her way before he actually got around to saying it. Then, Hannah says they actually boned FOUR times in the windmill, not 2, which elicits uproarious applause, mostly from Peter's parents (above) for some reason.

Is it just me or was that weird? I don't want my parents really knowing what I do in the bedroom much less applauding it or being "proud" of me, as Chris insinuates Peters dad is.

So that leaves Ty Pac and Jed as the final two and Ty Dolla Sign is up first to meet the parents. The first guy in always sets a high bar for the second dude. And then family usually says, "Wow, the next guy really has his work cut out for him." Then the second dude comes in and equally wows the parents and they say, "I don't know WHAT you should do, honey!"

But, that doesn't happen this time.

Well, the first part does. Tyler impresses, despite some grilling from mom, who warns him that in their family, getting married is "one and done." Like they invented it. As if everyone else enters into holy matrimony going, "I figure five years of this, then divorce, maybe two or three more wives after that. Four max." And, similarly to Peter's parents, Hannah's dad's first question is essentially how many times they went to Rambone Central in the Fantasy Suite. Tyler sticks with their story that it was 0 and they just talked all night. As she's contractually permitted to do now, Hannah tells Card-Ty C (the gangsta nickname generator is running on fumes OK?!) that she's falling in love with him.

Jed is up next and Hannah's family's reaction to him saying he's a singer/songwriter is somewhere between him saying, "I prefer unsweet tea" and "Go Auburn!" in their house. Hannah's dad, who I have a feeling would really get along with Luke P., wonders if Jed's career will be able to provide for his helpless babygirl. Jed assures him the gravy train is already a-rollin'. In fact, as Jed puts it, his biggest accomplishment so far is that he just signed a deal with.... Who?! A Music Row publishing company? A record label? Neither. A dogfood company and he's written their new jingle. Dad's not convinced and he pretty much roasts Jed to Hannah over it. But, Hannah tells him she's been providing for herself and has plans to continue doing that even if Jed's spinning his musical wheels.

As much as Hannah's family doubts Jed's rising star, they seem to believe in him more than his own family, who couldn't tell Hannah enough unattractive things about him. "He's never had a real job, he has no degree, no prospects, he'll never make it, he smells bad, etc., etc."

They each get a date after meeting the family and just for a laugh producers make Ty-C face his mortal enemy once again: horses. They picnic and talk about the future. I'm pleasantly surprised to hear tha their imaginary future child will be a fellow Tim(my). And they end the night with some good ol' fashioned, Hannah-patented straddlin'.

Jed's date is, true to form, awful. They head out on a boat, but the water is so choppy Hannah gets seasick. She stops blowing chunks long enough for him to impart just how depressed the visit with her family made him. Then she sits on the roof of the boat alone, partly meditating, partly trying not to hurl. There will be no straddlin' today.

But, like I said, the date is par for the course for these two. Has Jed EVER had a good date? He's always talking her through the tragedy of the week (mostly having to do with Luke P.) and even now that Luke's gone, her family is ganging up on him. However, that may be his saving grace.

Hannah is still confused about who to choose. It looks simple to Bachelor Nation. Pick the guy whose body you can't stop straddlin', who runs his family's lucrative contracting business in one of America's happiest and wealthiest seaside towns. Not the failing juke joint dogfood slinger! But, that two-bit honky tonker has been her ROCK anytime she is going through the tragedy of the week (again, see: Luke P.). He doesn't even bat an eye when she starts talking about Tyler in front of him and how difficult the choice between them will be! They've been through the Bachelor(ette) trademarked "Tough Times" and keep coming out stronger. But, Jed also has a dark past, what Hannah and Chris H. call "rumors," that has yet to be brought into the light of Chris Harrison's Seat of High Temperatures.

So, here's my prediction (which I reserve the right to come back and edit after Part 2 to make it look like I was right): Hannah picks Jed and they are forced to hash out his girlfriend situation on AtFR, at which point she dumps him. That's would definitely qualify as a shocking, epic, dramatic finale we've been promised by CH.

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