The Bachelorette - Week 7 - Baloney

Hannah's journey takes us to The Netherlands this week as 7 dudes vie to take Hannah home to meet the fam.

Jed gets the first 1-on-1 and one of the other dudes has my favorite line of the night: "He didn't bring his guitar, did he?" They go shopping and boating and crank organ clogging. Hannah tries to articulate her feelings toward Jed, but comes up short saying mostly, "I don't know how I feel." I don't want to defend the guy, but that sounds exactly like what Hannah hates about Luke P. She tries to be as open as she can at dinner but is still guarding her raw feelings because she doesn't want to hurt anyone like she was hurt before, probably a reference to Colton.

It's a good thing they did stop to do some cloggin' earlier because when they were doing synchronized heel clicks, is when Jed says he knew "this is real." He'd already dropped the FIL bomb, but Hannah reciprocates and tells him she's falling in love with him and gives him the rose.

Tyler gets the second 1-on-1 date and they tour The Hague, where Jed will be brought up on formal internation war crimes charges after the tea about him is spilled After the Final Rose. The date starts with horses, which Tyler hates. They smell his fear immediately and take control walking wherever they please. Then the date gets even worse as they follow up a feast of stroopwaffles and ice cream with pickled herring. Hannah takes it like a beast, but Tyler dry heaves like a little Dutch babyman.

Tyler mostly shuts down when the real talk starts, but later at dinner opens up about how his dad's rags to riches to rags story and parents subsequent divorce influences his relationships and his biggest fear is failing at marriage. Hannah can relate because while her parents are still married, she completely throws their relationship under the bus and says they don't and/or don't know how to communicate. Hannah is "proud" of Tyler for opening up and he gets a rose.

Mike gets the third 1-on-1 date, which infuriates Connor. He knocks on Hannah's door and she opens up, probably relieved it's not Luke. Connor says he's feeling those feelings of falling in love ever since that truncated 1-on-1 where he visited her on her sickbed. But, he hasn't had the 1-on-1 time to progress their relationship. Hannah tells him she was waiting for him to show up again on a group date. Hannah says other relationships are further along and doesn't see her and Connor getting there, so he takes the van of shame.

Mike's date starts with biking and a visit to an artist's studio where they constantly say to eachother "I love art," which is the most broad and meaningless sentence anyone could ever say. They paint portraits of each other (badly) and then put curtains on while the REAL artiste paints them (slightly better).

Hannah's not sure how she feels about Mike though and before dinner she wanders around an art gallery Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller style crying and looking at art (which she loves), including Vermeer's world famous Girl with a Pearl Earring, which is kind of amazing. Hannah can't hold it together when Mike arrives and she lets him down very hard. But, Mike takes it very well, except he did punch a hole through Vermeer's world famous Girl with a Pearl Earring. J/k, but wouldn't that be hilarious? Mike's a class act through the whole thing though.

Garrett, Peter and Luke go on the group date which is just in a random house and is another arena for Luke's drama to be stirred up. Luke grabs Hannah and she asks Luke how things are in the house. Luke delivers my other favorite line of the night, "I don't have to mention names but..." Jed did this and Garrett did this and Peter did this and Chris Harrison said this and Vermeer said this. Hannah is distraught and asks why people can't just be NICE to Luke!?! She eats up Luke's act but still says she's exhausted by the drama that surrounds him.

WELCOME TO THREE WEEKS AGO, HANNAH! NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE!

She has to figure out the situation.... again... She confronts Garrett about whether he was being fake nice to Luke when they were talking at the Dude Lair. He says he was being short but polite. Hannah says, "If I don't like someone, they know it," which seems like an awful way to live. Garrett says, I guess you're stronger than me because I just won't confront a person like that but being curt is his way of shutting them out.

Garrett leaves his time with Hannah and begins gloating in the most SUPER annoying way that Hannah knows Luke is the fake one now and it's over for him. Luke boils over and dumps baloney in Garretts lap. They each accuse the other of being baloney. Luke goes to warn Peter that Hannah's good mood has been ruined once again by him. Luckily it's obvious Hannah doesn't have questions about Peter, who lays even more groundwork on top of an already great 1-on-1 and gets an early group date rose.

At dinner, we all wish neither Garrett nor Luke would get the final rose. Luke finally starts to open up to Hannah in the way she wants. He tells her about his past of drinking and chasing "fleshly desires" (is this guy not a fount of unaware, hilarious pseudo-smart phrases?). One night though he had a divine shower and he admits he didn't become perfect overnight. I get the feeling he thinks it took at least a week. Hannah gobbles it up like pickled herring.

In a last ditch effort Garrett drops the L word. But, Hannah has to follow her gut, which must be riddled with salmonella from so much pickled herring, since she gives the last rose to Luke.

The guys (and the viewers) are infinitely bummed that Luke has survived another week. But, at least they don't have to spend any time with them as we all head to respective hometowns next week...

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