You know we love talking to Lincee Ray from IHateGreenBeans.com every day after an episode of The Bachelor/ette/in Paradise, but there's so much more I have to say! So, that's where this blog comes in. Let's unpack this week's episode of The Bachelorette.
We're in the exotic locale of Riga, Latvia and Garrett scores the first 1-on-1 date. When he meets up with Hannah they're both surprised to learn they're going tandem naked bungee jumping when a Latvian couple does that very thing in front of them. The couple tells them it's a Latvian tradition. Garrett asks them, "Are y'all cold?" which had to be embarrassing for the guy. And at first I thought it might give Garrett pause to be (as Hannah eloquently put it) "butt-ass naked" in front of his girlfriend for the first time in the unrelenting Eastern European winter. But, then I thought, this could be a real, "If you can't handle me at my worst...." moment for Garrett to get a look at Hannah's true colors when she gets a look at his.... bungee... They're both scared of taking the leap, but eventually do.
I have to point out here that my 5-year old daughter was watching this episode with me (go ahead. parent shame.) and said she wanted to go bungee jumping one day. I made sure to impress upon her that you don't have to be naked to do it.
Later at dinner Garrett tells Hannah his youth was basically like Varsity Blues, but he eventually told his football loving Pa, "I DON'T WANT YER LAFE!" and found golf. Hannah and Garrett both spend a lot of time driving home the hamfisted point that naked bungee jumping is like falling in love, what with the vulnerability and companionship and literal leap of faith and WE GET IT! Garrett tells Hannah, "I'm falling in love for you big time," which she interprets to mean he's falling IN love with her and he gets a rose, duh.
Back at the Dude Corral, Luke P. refuses to believe Garrett's account of the naked date and he plans to ask Hannah about it on the group date he's on.
The group date is typical fair around this point. Seven guys exploring a farmers' market. They sample Latvian mooshine, which I'm sure pails in comparison to the Alabama rotgut that Hannah is used to. They eat weird local food. Hannah confirms Garrett's details of the naked bungee jump and Luke is repulsed. You can tell in his mind, which must have been transported from the early 1800's, that Hannah has been soiled.
At dinner later, Hannah and Tyler C. have a nice moment that leads to some of her trademark strattlin'. Luke tells Hannah his feelings about the naked bungee date. Hannah is quick to tell him that she and Garrett weren't naked in a sexual way. At this point I had to wonder if that was true and ran it through one of my "Is this sexual?" metrics: Would my wife mind if I did this with another woma- y'know what? It was sexual nudity. Luke passively calls it a "bonehead mistake" that was out of character for her and he'd be embarrassed if he had to introduce her to his family now. It's clear Hannah doesn't think of it that way. As always, Luke thinks the conversation went great. The opposite is true. Tyler C. gets the rose.
Peter gets the final 1-on-1 of the week and he and Hannah head to a spa. Of course. Exactly how many Latvian traditions involve nudity anyway? Isn't it Winter like 13 months out of the year?! Anyway, Hannah and Peter have obvious physical chemistry but can he open up at dinner? ... He does! He tells Hannah about a previous heartbreak that has made it difficult to be vulnerable to love again, but guess who is making that happen? Celine Dion. J/k it's Hannah. Peter gets a rose, duh.
Peter can take charge when he wants to but he's not as alpha as Luke. Peter is a Hallmark movie boyfriend. Luke is the boyfriend in a PG-13 romcom that that star isn't supposed to be with that you hate for the whole movie.
At Dude HQ, Jed doesn't want to hear about another naked date and he leaves to serenade Hannah from below her balcony. He gets the green light to come up and it's time for... Oh. Another song. OK. Jed is like the dog who finally catches a car. Her doesn't know what to do when he's up there so he plays his guitar some more. Before he can launch into Wonderwall, Hannah rips the guitar away and launches onto him for som strattlin'. Jed drops the Falling in L-word With You.
At the Dude Den, Garrett and Luke argue about who is the one who is not staying in their lane. Luke says he's in his lane but he's looking out the window at Hannah in other cars so he has to comment about those lanes... honestly the metaphor has begun to lose all meaning...
Before the first cocktail party in forever can begin, Hannah grabs Luke to tell him everything about their last conversation rubbed her the wrong way. Luke back pedals furiously and gaslights Hannah as best he can. I didn't mean it that way. I didn't say it that way. You misunderstood. Etc. It doesn't seem to totally convince her.
At Dude Central, Luke won't tell the guys what he and Hannah talked about and blames Garrett for getting him in trouble by telling him about the date in the first place. Then all the dudes argue about who is acting like a big dog and that big dogs should stay in their lanes... so now there's dogs on the road. Are they driving? See what I mean about the metaphor?
Chris Harrison enters and, shocker, Luke P. has gotten another rose ceremony cancelled. His third in a row. He tries to fight it, "This wasn't me! This is how Hannah feels!" But, it falls on deaf ears.
Even though Luke sucks. It's pretty obvious who is going home. I don't even like Luke and I agree that he has a deeper connection than Dylan and Nose Ring, whose name I never and will never know. But, it's still understandable that the guys are puzzled as to why Luke is still there. It has reached "If that's what she wants, she doesn't want me" territory. The question is will anyone actually say it to Hannah or will they bide their time hoping the next date is the one from which Luke doesn't return. We'll find out next week!